More gems from around the web:
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Another close call for G.I. Joe
(this used to frustrate me even as a kid)
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Making baseball more interesting
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Size counts when it comes to Hung
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The real reason UCLA grads didn’t get Franco
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How much loading screen can you take?
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In the spirit of my complaint on lasers, there is this
From the e-mail bag, this question comes from Uri in Wichita Falls, Kansas:
Hey–since you used to work in advertising, do you have a favorite ad right now?
Good question. While it’s always subject to change, right now my hands down favorite ad on TV is what I’m calling the YAZ APOLOGY AD. This ad is basically a ‘WHOOPS, WE SCREWED UP WITH THE FDA IN OUR LAST AD, so now we have to run this one to make up for the damage we’ve done.’ To see why it’s great, let’s just go through our hand-dandy advertising review checklist:
Hilarious back story? CHECK
All great ads have a funny back story, and you don’t have to be an advertising expert to see this one. Woops—someone forgot to run that hip, cool new birth control ad we just launched with a $100 million TV campaign by the legal department and now the FDA is going to make us spend another $100 million to apologize for all the shit we got wrong. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
I wonder how many interns were sacrificed to the client in the making of this ad?
Unnecessary branding? CHECK
Yaz is so excited about branding, they even keep their apology ads on message. But why do you even have to create a brand image for birth control? I admit I’m not the definitive expert on what women are looking for in their birth control pill, but I’d guess the most important factors are:
I’m not sure things like “this pill really reflects my cool, outgoing lifestyle” are going to move too many consumers. If I were writing the campaign, it would be something like, “Hey, do you like having sex but not getting pregnant? Try Yaz! It’s birth control and it might even do other cool things too like clear up your skin. But what it’s really good at is getting you not pregnant. If that’s what you want, try Yaz. Yaz. Yaz. Yaz. Yaz. Yaz.” The ad would just be me reading this over the Yaz logo. Totlal production cost: $113.
Nonsensical Image/Copy Relationship? CHECK
Your words may say there are differences between PMS and PMMD but your body language says le’ts do it in the woman’s rest room. You know how I like it baby–without bloating, irritability, and possible liver hemorrhaging.
Absurd Tagline? CHECK
The Yaz tagline sums up everything great about this ad: Beyond Birth Control. What the hell is beyond birth control? You know what’s beyond birth control–having a baby. That’s what happens when you go beyond birth control. How about just, Birth Control. Yaz. It’s Birth Control. There you go, mission accomplished.
Use of Talking Animals? NEGATIVE
The only thing between this ad and true ad greatness would be talking animals, or maybe puppets or something. Oh well, I’m sure they made a mistake in the apology ad that they soon can apologize for.
FINAL THOUGHT: How do you feel having your birth control handled by a company that can’t produce :30 seconds of content without making a mistake? Isn’t not making a mistake a pretty fundamental componenet of birth control?
ADDITIONAL FINAL THOUGHT: If you go to the YAZ WEBSITE, you get a sense of how the Yaz brand promise changes by country. Click on the US as your country and you get the hip, urban, woman about the town campaing. Click on the Netherlands and you get what looks to be a normal, medical looking web site. Click on Asia and you get–I don’t know–true love in spring?
In Harry Potter, there is no internet in the wizzard world. While muggles may be hopelessly behind on making things levitate, general transportation, and playing Quiddich (see here for the pathetic muggle 
attempt at this), we are light years ahead in information technology. Just think of the first book/movie, where Harry and the gang want to find out who Nicholas Flamel is. In order to solve this, they must randomly pull books from the shelves of the library at random until they just happen to find the right book (there isn’t even a dewy decimal system…are you f@cking kidding me? how do they write research papers?). Their muggle counterparts would have figured it out on Wikipedia in like 14 seconds.
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Would Brainy Smurf have been considered smart if he didn’t wear glasses? I don’t remember h
im ever doing much that was very “smart” other than talking a lot and getting picked on. It’s strange that even in the smurf world there is a perceived correlation between bad eyesight and intelligence.
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If the Transformers came to earth and secretly taught humans about building machines like cars and airplanes, don’t they bare a huge share of the blame in global warming? And what went wrong with GM…
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Is there anything more disappointing to the advancement of military technology than the failure of laser guns to take off? Literally every cartoon or futuristic vision of war had people shooting unlimited ammo laser guns. Instead, we get Lasik eye surgery. Yawn.
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Which of the following will future generations find most repellent about us:
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Will video game systems evolve to the point where the graphics are more realistic than real life so that people complain that the world has bad graphics?
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At what point will we be able to admit that Michael Jackson’s post-Thriller musical career was average, at best.
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The people who worked on the sewer system in the town where Goonies took place must have been super oblivious.
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Do animals realize just how illterate they are?
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I don’t think Doc Brown and Marty McFly ever quite got the concept of what you’re supposed to do when you have a time machine–has anyone ever been more wasteful in using this technology?
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It’s time for another addition of the I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT, LATE NIGHT SMACKDOWN, where I prove that I could totally write jokes for late night TV by taking on the top Late Night shows in a head-to-head jokeoff. As loyal readers will know, my record in this ongoing competition speaks for itself (2 wins, 36 losses, and 1 tie).
For those new to this blog, the game is pretty simple. First, we pick a topic certain to make it through the late night monologue circuit. In this case, Sarah Palin’s decision to step down as Alaska’s governor ought to do the trick. Next, I write a monologue joke in the style of your typical Late Night TV show and see if my joke is better than (or identical to) what turns up on late night TV. Here are the rules:
So with that, let’s play: I COULD TOTALLY DO THAT, LATE NIGHT SMACKDOWN. Here is my entry:
Surprising news this weekend. Sarah Palin stepped down as Governor of Alaska after only 2 1/2 years on the job. While some see this as a blow to Palin’s 2012 presidential aspirations, others see it as proof that she can deliver on her controversial campaign pledge to complete her first four year term as president in only two years.
In justifying her departure, Palin said that “only dead fish go with the flow.” And she would know–you get a really good look at what happens to dead fish when you’re shooting them from your helicopter.
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Okay.
Now, let’s meet the field of competitors (Clockwise from Upper Left): David Letterman, Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Me, Jimmy Kimmel, Craig Ferguson. May the best joke(s) win.
Thanks to all who helped find these gems. No, I will not be giving you any credit, but thanks.
My New Favorite Blog: Awful Library Books
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Does this ad make you want to use more electricity/ Watch more NBC
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This is apparently the 4th most viewed Youtube Video
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But most Youtube videos aren’t destined for such greatness
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You’ve made a mockery of Taco Night!
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Passive Aggressive Notes Assaults Grammar and Graffiti
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What is the Next Transformers?
(I was thinking Playmobile: The Mundane World Gets Adorable)
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This month’s WIF Book Club selection is arguable one of the top 50 Mystery Thrillers of all time, ranking somewhere between War with the Evil Power Master and Sound and the Fury (or, as it was originally titled: The Mystery of the Missing Quentins).
The Hardy Boys classic, The Sinister Signpost is not only nonstop adventure, it is also, per Wikipedia, “one of the most dangerous and intriguing cases” of Frank and Joe Hardy’s careers. Just looking at the cover tells you that’s definitely true. That sign is literally shooting lasers at that red sports car! What’s worse, it appears someone from a completely different angle is rolling a tire at the Hardy Boys!! This can only add up to one thing: Danger!!! Never before have the letters SS conveyed so much excitement and fun than they do in the Sinister Signpost!!!!
A couple of thought provoking questions as you read this literary classic: