Archive for February, 2010

Some Ad Agencies of Which I Know

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

The latest installment of this ever-popular series, which is proceeding in no particular order.

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BBDO

In short: One of the oldest ad agencies, founded in 1928 with the merger of Barton, Dustine, and Osborn with Batten Co.   With employees in 77 countries around the world, BBDO is one of the largest agencies out there.  BBDO is so big in fact, that on three separate occasions (1930, 1968, and 1992), it attempted to declare itself an independent nation, but in each case the movement failed do to the relative small size of BBDO’s arms stockade.

Are the people who work their crazy: In a global kind-of way, yes.

Policy on drinking beer in the office: Not encouraged, but sex okay (see below).

Agency nickname: Ole’ Oldy.

If you want a job there: Ask them about the BBDO sex tape scandal of 2008, where a video of two employees having sex in the agency went viral. They love talking about it!

Fun fact: Over the first ten years of the agency’s existence, they went through several iterations of possible names, from BDBO, ODBB, OBDB, DOBB, BBOD, OBBD, DBBO, B-squaredDO, BBDO (with the Bs reversed), before finally deciding on BBDO.

Absolutely True Story: I worked there in the last days of a collapsing department, which was awesome, but before I got the job I had the strangest interview ever. Normally, when you interview at an agency, the HR person is all nice and sweet, then you meet the team and they start hammering you.  But in this case it was the opposite. The HR Manager was a total dick, and refused to indulge in even the most benign small talk.

Me: Oh, this is a really great office. I love the design.

HR DICK: It’s actually pretty dated.

Me: Well, at least you have a great view of the city.

HR DICK: Yeah, but you get used to it.

Me: Okay, I guess.

HR DICK: So, you’re wearing a tie huh? Interesting. (as he rolls his eyes).

Me: I’m really excited about this opportunity.

HR DICK: You haven’t got it yet. So don’t be excited.

And it got worse from there.

Later, in my last week there, this same HR guy cornered me in the break room and said, without any sense of irony. “I gotta tell you Brian, of all the interviews I’ve ever conducted, you were the best. You nailed it.”

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More Airplane Neighbor Stories

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Flying on my favorite flight, from Burbank to Phoenix, the guy next to me talked for a solid 45 minutes about his job working for some weapons manufacturer. I understood very little, so I was never exactly certain if and when I should be horrified.   It went something like:

You got the SH46. I flew those with the T56 or T53–I don’t remember which. I used to work on those TS85s with about 1400 horsepower. They produce a lot of horsepower. And then there’s the T701 which is made by GE where all you have is a gear box, compressor, and hot section, it’s all the size of, say, your seat. And we build them so you can upgrade them. The Israelis put stinger missiles on the wing and, you see that spot down there? That little silver thing we’re flying over? They could, if that was a stinger missile and they fired it at us right now, we’d be dead in–I don’t know, 5 seconds.

That last part was a little disturbing and I kept my eye on the little silver thing he had been pointing to from 35,000 feet up as we flew past it as close as I could. If there were Israeli’s armed with stinger missiles down there, they held their fire.

As we were landing, this guy drained his 3rd Bloody Mary (mind you, it’s a one hour flight), and pointed to a ridge of rocks (at least as near as I can tell that’s what he was pointing to) as we were coming in over Phoenix, and said to me: Would you look at that? God bless America.

I kind-of knew what he was talking about, because just as he said that I realized that NADA was the answer to 49 down (zilch),  thus completing the Southwest Airlines Magazine crossword puzzle.

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Odd Winter Olympic Events

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Person doing good at luge for unknown reasons

There are many winter Olympic events that are peculiar—curling and the biathlon are two of the favorites in the category of Olympic oddities—but to me the Luge remains one of the most mysterious.

On its surface, the Luge appears to be nothing more than a guy on a small sled, sliding down a crazy, waterslide-like course that’s very icy and fast.  I’m not sure what makes a good luger vs. a bad luger, and what’s more, I’m particularly confused as to how someone gets into luging in the first place.

At what point does a person decide, “Hey, you know what I think I’d be really good at? Sliding on my back down a long track of ice.”  How do luge coaches identify potential talent?  Do they hang out watching  young kids sledding and then approach one: “Kid, I won’t lie–you’re an amazing sledder. How’d you like to do this for a living?”

Because I don’t know what makes a good luger, and because I’ve never done it, it is possible that I too could have been an Olympic luger. My body is pretty aerodynamic, which I feel is key, and I’m good at lying down. It seems like I have everything one needs to be successful.  If someone had even tried to encourage me, who knows where I might be right now? Flying on my back at 80 mph to the cheers of the crowd, though when you’re sliding on your back at 80 mph I don’t know if you can actually hear any cheers.

In my ignorance, the Luge is an arbitrary sport—the equivalent of shoving rocks down a mountain side to see which one will hit the bottom first. As proof of this, listening to the commentary the other day, it was clear the announcers had NO CLUE as to whether any individual luger was doing well or not until they made it to the bottom:

Oooh, a little high on that turn. He’s very sloppy coming out of his breaks. You can see he’s losing a lot of speed by not maintaining his lie. And there’s another high turn there—he just doesn’t seem to have it.  Lots of drag here and coming down the stretch and…he did it! GOLD MEDAL RUN! Amazing!!!

Based on the logic of the Luge, I’m really hoping my new, invented sport will eventually catch on.  It’s called PLOWZING and it basically entails going up to the top of a very difficult ski run, and then falling down it.  Points are assigned based on speed and volume of snow displaced, and based on the few times I’ve gone skiing, I’m really good at it.

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Posted in I Could Totally Do That | No Comments »

Some Ad Agencies of Which I Know

Monday, February 15th, 2010

I’ve gotten a lot of questions from loyal readers about life at an ad agency.  Over the course of my spectacular advertising career, I got the chance to either work at, or meet people who worked at, most of the major ad agencies, and while they all have some things in common (high hepatitis infection rates), each one has its unique personality.

Here then is part 1 in a 43 part series, SOME AD AGENCIES OF WHICH I KNOW:

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Jasper, the captured Somali pirate, pre-mail room

TBWA/CHIAT DAY

In short: Formed by the merger a worldwide agency (TBWA) and a Los Angeles creative powerhouse (Chiat-Day), TBWA/Chiat-Day is one of the leading creative shops, responsible for many of your favorite ads.  They’ve brought you all those great Apple ads you love so much (and yet, you still have a PC, don’t you?).  A frequent agency of the year award recipient, their offices are super cool, with crazy architecture and indoor basketball courts and the like.  They even serve three meals a day at the agency, which is good because you will never, ever be able to leave.

Are the people who work their crazy: Yes, very.

Policy on drinking beer in the office: Mandatory.

Agency nickname: Chiat Night & Day (as in, you will be at work during these two periods).

If you want a job there: In your interview, mention you hate being outside and weekends.

Fun fact: Their mascot is a pirate, who they captured on a Somali pirate ship and forced to work in their mail room.  They are that hardcore.

Absolutely True Story: One of my first agency jobs was at a building near Chiat Day’s. I had a friend who had just started there and we’d always plan to have lunch, but each time she’d have to cancel because she was too busy at work. One day, we decided to just eat lunch there at the restaurant housed inside the agency.  After going through the incredibly, high security screens needed to get into the agency, we met and went to the Chiat Day cafe.  We got our meal (I think it was microwavable burrito day), and went to this part of the agency known as Central Park, which is designed to look like you’re outside, with fake trees and a pebble/gravel surface.  After a few minutes, one of her coworkers came up to her.

“Where the hell have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you!” he said.

She explained that she’d been right here, where he was now talking to her, eating lunch.

“You know,” he chastised, “If you have to eat lunch, you could at least do it at your desk.”

So she went back to her desk to work and eat, while I ate alone in this strange outdoor cafe. People walking by gave me so many dirty looks that after a few minutes I packed up my food, drove back to my own agency and ate at my desk.

But aren’t those hilarious Mac ads worth it?

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Posted in Madvertising | 3 Comments »

Five Common Interview Questions and How Best to Answer Them

Friday, February 12th, 2010

As the economy sputters along, more and more people find themselves looking for work.  This means facing the daunting task of interviewing, but there’s nothing really to fear.  With a little preparation, you can assure yourself of a great interview, and thus, a great chance at getting hired.

Here are five common interview questions, and how you should answer them to ensure yourself the best chance at landing the job:

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Question: Tell me a little about yourself?

[In general, this is a throw-away question. The interviewer just wants to hear your voice and make sure you don’t have an accent (if you have an English accent you have nothing to worry about—you will definitely get the job because we Americans find that irresistibly charming).  Probably, the interviewer is realizing that they didn’t prepare any questions for this particular interview and so they need to stall.  However, this is a great opportunity to turn the tables on your interviewer and show them you’re in control. Throw them off their game and you’ll have the upper-hand the rest of the way.]

Suggested Answer: There is no self. There is no I or you, just consciousness and our varying degrees of awareness.

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Question: What are some of your strengths?

[This may seem like an easy question and a great chance to boast about how awesome you are, but it’s a trick!  If you actually list all your strengths, you’ll sound like a pompous jackass. If you don’t have anything to say, you’ll give the impression that you have no strengths, and unless you’re applying to be the Democratic head of the Senate, that won’t get you anywhere. The key is to identify qualities the person interviewing you also has and claim these as your own strengths, so they’ll be able to relate to you. Since you probably don’t know much about the person interviewing you, I recommend keeping it general at this point.]

Suggested Answer: I am excellent at breaking down complex carbohydrates and converting them into energy. I am breathe regularly and without effort.

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Question: What are some of your weaknesses?

[Another tough question. If you answer honestly and tell them about your poor work ethic and debilitating gambling addiction, it could scare them away.  Best to think of something that will in no way impede your ability ot do your job.]

Suggested Answer: I’m not very good at refolding maps. [note, if you’re applying for a job as a Map Folder, DO NOT GIVE THIS ANSWER, no matter how true it is]

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Question: Tell me a time when you overcame an obstacle?

[Read between the lines on this one. What does the interviewer really want to know? That you overcame poverty to pay your way through school? That you had a learning disability as a child and still got a perfect score on the SATs? No, of course not. None of that would be of any relevance to your potential as an employee. They are trying to determine if you have any super powers. If so, tell them. If not, just answer honestly. There is nothing worse than being busted for not possessing the super powers you claim to have.]

Suggested Answer(s): I can defy gravity and the 3rd law of thermodynamics. / I do not have any super powers at this time, but it’s something I’m working on.

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Questions: Do you have any questions about this position?

[At this point, you and your interviewer should be getting to know each other pretty well. By this point in the interview, you may even have taken off your shoes and propped your feet on the table, or started eating from the bowl of pistachio nuts they set out for you (if they did not put pistachio nuts out for you, now would be an appropriate time to ask for them).  So it’s okay at this point to have a little fun. Tell an amusing joke or anecdote to help show the person you’re having a good time. Laughter goes a long way in an interview.]

Suggested Answer: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!

[If your interviewer is blonde, just substitute and Polack and a Jew for the blonde and brunette. If your interviewer is both blonde and Polish, trust me, YOU DO NOT WANT THIS JOB.]

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Top 5 Superbowl Ads and Why They Sucked

Tuesday, February 9th, 2010

“I watch the Superbowl for the ads!” a girl next to me at the Superbowl party I was attending announces, unwittingly repeating one of the biggest pieces of advertising propaganda.  The idea that millions of people tune into a sporting event just to watch the ads, is an idea invented by advertisers themselves, and while it was never ever true (most research shows people ignore Superbowl ads at the same rate as other ads—if not at a higher rate due to the clutter of the game), people still believe it to be true, and this almost makes it true.

Because the Superbowl ads now get tons of attention, and even when an ad is airing that people have previously seen (and ignored), when it’s on the Superbowl, they give it unnecessary respect.  “Ooooh, the etrade babies are on!” someone else says, shushing us so he can hear this ad that runs six billion times a day.

In truth, the Superbowl is a huge waste of money for advertisers, but most feel compelled to participate because it’s a machismo thing—a sign that your company is a big spender (or a soon-to-fail dot.com).  And, while we may temporarily give the ads a lot of credit, they almost always suck.

Here then are the top 5 Superbowl ads per one source (FoxSports), and why, in truth, they suck:

  1. Betty White Snickers Ad.  The joke is old people getting tackled. It’s an old joke. That it’s Betty White makes it more funny, but here’s the problem: Snicker’s target audience is teenagers and young people who don’t know who Betty White is (let alone Abe Vigoda). So the people who will find this ad the funniest are the people least likely to buy Snickers.  Plus, do we really need such a complicated effort to cell a candy bar? It’s a candy bar. We get what it does.
  2. Coca Cola Simpsons Ad.  A real, simple problem:  it’s not funny (which to be fair, is no different than the show these days).  If anything, it’s a sad reminder that a show once known for being edgy has totally, completely sold out.
  3. Hyundai Brett Farve Ad.  When your ad is really nothing more than a rip-off of a Sears ad (playing with Brett Farve being old and his refusal to retire), you’ve got problems.
  4. TruTV Punxatawney Polamalu.  Here’s how this ad came into being. Some creative at some ad agency figured out the special effect. Then spent five years trying to find a way to get it into an ad, regardless of if it made sense for the brand (and what the hell is being advertised here anyways?).
  5. Bud Light Lost Ad. Maybe this one would have been funny if I actually watched Lost, which I’m told this ad is a rip-off of.  In any case, it comes down to this: Bud Light spends six trillion dollars each year on Superbowl advertising, and they are the best selling light beer. But riddle me this: is Bud Light the best selling light beer because of their Superbowl ads, or do they run ads on the Superbowl because they’re the bestselling beer?

If there’s one ad I thought was pretty decent, it would be the Green Police Ad for Audi, though I secretly suspect most people won’t get the joke because they really believe people trying to get them to not kill the planet are like the Green Police.

Also, in the same category as Snickers, I question why Doritos tries so hard every year. They always have crazy, trying to be funny ads that cost millions upon millions. I don’t even get why Doritos has an ad agency–promoting this product couldn’t be more simple. You’re a chip.  Half the chip-aisle is Doritos. You don’t need crazy gimmicks. Just show us the bag of chips on TV for thirty seconds and our fat-asses will buy it.

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Posted in Madvertising | 2 Comments »

Friday Links

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Today is this blog’s 50th anniversary.  Happy Birthday Blog!  It honor of that, here is the first joke that kicked off this blog’s life (though, keep in mind, in 1960 when it first appeared, few people read it since the blog was relatively new and home computers hadn’t even been invented yet!):

It looks like Joanne Woodward is up to her old tricks again.  After getting the first star on the Hollywood walk of fame, she reportedly said to the press, “Now I’ll have more guys walking on me than Myrna Loy at a UNESCO convention.”

Amazingly, the humor still stands up.  Now for some links:

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Can anyone win the Super Bowl?

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Corporations for president?

(I’m not sure we’d notice the difference)

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Mario meets Sonic

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Football head-painter explains himself

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The blogs must be crazy?

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I think the word you’re looking for is asshole

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Uncomfortably sexual Go-Bot moments

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Toyota Recall Updates

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Pregnant Women Hate Me

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Two true stories:

When I used to work in advertising, people were always coming in to sell us on their lame advertising platforms. There were the traditional sales reps from TV, magazines, newspaper, etc., but the really terrible ones were for the non-traditional media.  Urinal cakes. Crop circles (yes, you have your logo ‘engraved’ into a field of corn), beach prints, condom wrappers, whatever.  The sales reps for these media were always really odd, maybe because you have to be pretty odd to take on a job selling ad space on a condom wrapper.

Once, this company came in that was putting little TV screens in elevators.  They were selling ads on them. In wasn’t the weirdest idea by any means, but it was pretty stupid.  There point was that people in elevators have nothing to entertain them for the 30 seconds, on average, they are in the elevator, so they’d definitely be interested in these screens.

The woman who was pitching us was an odd lady, who was very, very pregnant.  She went through her pitch. Something about it must have really annoyed me, because when she was done I spent about ten minutes explaining why I thought it was a stupid idea—that people in elevators are thinking about where they are headed and that whatever info they consume in the elevator will immediately be forgotten.

Nothing unusual about that—sales reps are used to rejection.  But this woman, she took it hard. She started to cry.  Right there in the meeting. Sob actually, saying that she had an unborn baby to feed and why was I being so unreasonable and mean.

It was awkward.  At least for everyone else in the room. I am unmoved by crying pregnant women, so as she was crying I asked her if she need us to validate her parking.

Second story.  I am in the grocery store yesterday, in the produce section.  There is another woman in the section with me who is also very pregnant.  I notice her but nothing more. I’m a little preoccupied because I’m trying to remember if I like Macintosh apples better than Honeycrisp apples? Or do I go with Fuji once again?

Suddenly, the woman starts talking to me.

“Yeah, I’m pregnant. Get over it.”

“Huh?” I ask, unsure if she is talking to me.

“Year right. Whatever,” she answers, clearly disgusted with me for some reason and walks off. I am confused. Profoundly confused. So confused I forget to buy apples all together, which was the whole point of my coming to the store.  What did I do to provoke this anger?

So I am wondering, what is it about me that pregnant women find abhorrent? Is it a cruel evolutionary warning to them that I will make a bad provider for their children? Or am I inexplicably acting hostile toward these women in ways I’m unaware of?

In any case, please let this serve as my preemptive apology for anything upsetting I do to any pregnant women in the future. I don’t mean whatever it is I’m doing. All I want is to buy apples and mock elevator ads. It’s as simple as that, honest.

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