Archive for the ‘High Art’ Category

Was James Franco stoned and other pressing Oscar Questions

Monday, February 28th, 2011

While Dana Stevens and Troy Patterson speculate on whether James Franco was stoned during his sort-of disinterested job as Oscar MC, I have other important questions about last night’s award ceremony.

  1. Did the people responsible for dragging recent stroke victim Kirk Douglas (94–my god, was Big Trouble In Little China that long ago), learn nothing from the Dick Clark New Years debacle a few years ago?  I mean, it’s funny to watch someone really old who care barely talk lust after 20-something women on national TV and all, but come-on.
  2. Why won’t anyone else acknowledge that Steve Buscemi would be the perfect Oscar host?
  3. Anyone want to tell me what happened the last 30 minutes of the show? I was watching via DVR and didn’t get a chance to see the end. Just assuming 127 Hours won, thus explaining why Franko was doped up.

Literary world: are you ready to be rocked?

Monday, February 14th, 2011

Bristol Palin, daugher of Todd Palin is writing a memoir, which was sort-of inevitable because, let’s face it, all 20-year-olds go through that “i’m going to write my memoir thing.” (Side note: I still remember mine: Oh, but Those Summer Nights,” a coming of age story about me, coming of age).

Details of the memoir are being held tightly under wraps, but word is it centers around the story of a woman who falls in love with a vampire and then they go to wizzarding school together. It should be really, really popular.

When poems hit rock-bottom

Monday, September 13th, 2010

Slam poets sometimes get a bad name for being, uh, bad. But when a country singer has plagiarized your work…well I guess it’s one step up from a Miller Lite ad.

Though the T.S. Eliot Miller Lite campaign based on “The Hollow Men” was pretty good.

For slam poets looking for recognition from the larger literary community, this isn’t going to help.

Excerpt from my upcoming novel: 537 Deli Sandwiches to Eat Before you Die

Monday, November 9th, 2009

sandwich

The following is an excerpt from my novel in progress. Clearly I still have some work, particularly in developing some of the subtler plot points. My protag at this point is likeable, but I don’t know if he’s “fall-in-lovable” and I still struggle with whether I am being too literary when I ought to broaden the novel’s audience.  Anyways, feedback welcome as always.  Enjoy!

-

23. Tuna salad on rye. Light Mayo. No capers.

71: “The Nothing but Condiments Club,” available at The Condiment Shop, with all your favorite condiments piled high between two pieces of egg white bread or, for the health conscious, whole oat.

89: “The Lieberman Lunch Sack,” to enjoy when in Connecticut.  The key here is to significantly lower your expectations—then when it arrives, somehow, you’re still disappointed.

431: Roast Beef on a Kaiser roll with lettuce, tomato, mustard.

238: “The Hoaginator,” from Harry’s Heaping Hoagies on 32nd Street in certain cities. For best results order with the herring and fried egg on the side, easy on the yellow peppers and green onions, light ranch dressing.  Double your salami to make it a true Hoaginator.

55.  PB&J with or without crusts.

56: The other PB&J—that is, pickled tongue, bratwurst and jelly. Usually on sourdough and enjoyed in the Spring because of its obvious connections with fertility rights.

127. Classic Turkey Club.  Substitute Soy Bacon for Bacon.  Substitute Eggplant for Turkey. Substitute Veganaise for Mayonnaise.  Enjoy with a heaping side of polish sausage.

2: Caffeine Free Diet Coke.

A Sort-of Serious Review

Sunday, October 25th, 2009

a-serious-man-poster

(some spoilers below)

A good Yiddish joke goes like this:

Max and Benny are walking down the street, when Max turns to Benny and asks,
“Benny, what’s blue, hangs on the wall and whistles?

Benny considers this a moment, then replies.

“I don’t know Max. What’s blue, hangs on the wall, and whistles?”

“A can of tuna!”

Benny thinks about this, confused.

“A can of tuna?” he asks. “But Max, a can of tuna doesn’t hang on the wall.”

Max shrugs.

“So you hang it on the wall.”

“But a can of tuna isn’t blue.”

“So you paint in blue.”

“But Max, a can of tuna does not whistle!”

Max throws up his hands.

“So it doesn’t whistle!”

The joke deploys an old Yiddish tactic of burying the punch line. We are set up with the conventions of a joke (or sometimes a parable, or profound revelation), then robbed of this, making a mockery of the joke, the joke teller, and (most of all) the audience, who is racing ahead, trying to guess how this puzzle will come together.  The joke frustrates our attempts at order and resolution, and that is what, in a Yiddish sense, is so funny. Really, obviously, we are the punch line.

The Coen Brothers clearly know their Yiddish humor, though even the most dry Yid could probably not have foreseen the nihilistic edges to which they push the genre. A Serious Man, which is often funny, sometimes serious, sometimes odd, time and time again, buries its punch lines.  It leads us to Aha! moments, then denies us the pleasure of experiencing them. This happens first in a strange Yiddish folk tale in the opening sequence involving a Dybuck. It happens several other times, as information and plot points are dangled before our eyes, teasing from us our emotional investment, then robbed.

In one such scene, our main character (the poor, Job-esque, Larry Gopnick) is trying to stop his neighbor from building an extension to his home that he, Gonick, believes crosses the property line. It’s a minor plot point in the movie, but one that is built gradually over a few scenes. At last, a lawyer is brought in, an old stumbling man with rolls of papers under his arms (played by Wayne Duvall, the brilliant Homer Stokes of Cohen Brothers’ yore). He coughs once or twice, then before he can unveil his brilliant plan to fix this tricky problem, dies.  We as the audience are left groaning. We should have seen it coming.  In fact, I suspect many of us (myself included) did. Which is a bit of a problem, because burying the punch line works a lot better when you are waiting for a punch line. When you no longer buy the joker’s bluff, that a punch line is possible, then, well, things are different.

Now, I confess myself a Cohen Brothers fan. Everything up to O Brother I can watch repeatedly. Even as it has become cliché to repeatedly quote Big Lebowski, I can’t, and won’t stop myself. But lately, I am starting to wonder if this technique of refusing to give us the punch line, of ending stories a few scenes short of completion, is interesting or lazy? Once upon a time the cliché was “happily ever after,” and lord knows Hollywood produces plenty of those. But now, this strangely quiet, unresolved ending has become such a convention in certain, what we once called (wrongly) “indie movies,” that it’s all starting to feel to easy.  Too quiet.

We have maybe reached the limits of nihilism. There is nothing to say and we know it, no meaning is possible and we don’t expect meaning, so we enjoy the dialogue when it’s good, watch the characters scramble about, knowing their fates pretty certainly, and leave the theater when the credits roll, whether it makes sense to leave then or not. But you know what, I like endings, that’s why I don’t leave in the middle of movies—even bad movies.

Which isn’t to say the movie isn’t good. Maybe it’s great. I don’t really know, which more and more is my outlook leaving movies like this.  Maybe I loved it. Who can complain these days? What do you want out of a movie anyways, a life changing experience with all the bells and whistles? As Max might wisely say, so it didn’t whistle

Book of the Month: Review

Monday, October 5th, 2009

book58

There is no question that at this point, that within the popular genre of literature in which children are much smarter than adults, the best work is to be found within the expansive Encyclopedia Brown series.  To put it plainly, Encyclopedia Brown is rad. He solves mysteries all the time, and quite frankly proves that solving crime is pretty easy.

The debate then is not whether or not Encyclopedia Brown is awesome, it is which selection with the series is the awesomeist.  Several come to mind.  Encyclopedia Brown gets his Man, Encyclopedia Takes the Case, Encyclopedia and the Case of Pablo’s Nose (the first in the series to take on the controversial issue of characters who may not be white) are all fine examples.  But it is Encyclopedia and the Case of the Disgusting Sneakers that achieves a level of complexity, daring and, if I may be so bold, awesomeness, not achieved before or (sadly) since.

Based on the cover, this novel involves a pair of smelly sneakers, a canoe, a helicopter, a cup of tea or soup, and a vase.  I don’t have to read a single word to know this is going to be one heck of a who-done-it (my money is on the vase).  What is great about this book is the way it subverts the sleuth genre by showing how modern day literary conventions can converge with post-colonial aesthetics to produce a challenging read that questions the authority of the author as narrator, while empowering readers to create their own meaning in the mystery as text.  Also, those sneakers really do look disgusting!

Now, it’s not a perfect book.  There are some strange plot holes as when Encyclopedia Brown asks the kid at the gym if he’s ever played baseball before based on the granule of dirt he sees stuck to his ankle.  But then, this is the guy that prevented murder once simply by staring at a guy name Pablo’s nose!  Truly, there is no limit to his sleuthing.

Of course the real fun of this series is trying to solve the mystery yourself (Wolfgang Iser famously said of this structure: “The first structural quality of the blank, then, is that it makes possible the organization of a referential field of interacting textual segments projecting themselves one upon another,” but that is likely because he always suspects Dr. Gordon, when the thief is inevitably Dr. Gordon’s suspicious gardener).

One question I kept thinking about: Why are these sneakers disgusting? Is that a value judgment on contemporary culture’s fixation with athletic prowess over intellect, or merely an empirical observation of the odors emitted by certain peoples feet, particularly when they are from the South? Certainly both readings are entirely possible, and, at the risk of getting on my political soapbox, I couldn’t help see the entire symbol as a categorical rejection of contemporary market-based value systems that carry no object moral code, but rather achieve their meaning through commoditization only.

Disgusting indeed!

Excerpt from the Diary of T.S. Eliot’s College Roomate

Monday, September 14th, 2009

eliot

8/26

College at last! The long days of summer (and working under my father’s merciless thumb!) have gone, and finally some freedom. Harvard is stunning in August. The campus is alive with energy. Already (and it has been 3 hours I’ve been here now), I’ve been invited to three separate mixers. I’m glad I brought plenty of clean pressed shirts!  Having moved into the dorms I have just now met my roommate T. He seems like a nice enough fellow if a little quiet. He spent the afternoon meticulously ordering, than reordering his bowties in the closet, arranged (I think) first by size, then formality (formal-informal), before finally settling on color. Oh well, I’m sure he’ll warm up soon.

9/7

Well, Harvard life has been all I thought it would be and more. Between my first year course work and social mixers each night, I must say my head has been pounding since I got here.  Had a strange disagreement with my roommate T, who for some reason conspiratorially accused me of using some of his toothpaste, which I did not. He sulked about this a good deal before removing his toothpaste from its normal position on his shelf and hiding it under his bed.  Later I asked him if he was fine and he said yes, but at night I heard him muttering once again in his sleep about the collapse of western values and how he doubted Donne ever suffered such indigenous treatment. I invited him out to a get together with some of the boys, promising there would be some interesting women he might want to talk with, but he balked at the idea immediately, faking a stomach ache.

9/23

The toothpaste fiasco has blown over, but now T insists on speaking to me only in old French which I can barely understand. Whenever I express confusion T gets this smart-ass grin and then switches to Greek. He’s certainly a brilliant fellow though I find the impulse to punch him in the face at times overwhelming.

10/21

Another exciting adventure in my life with T.  I brought a girl back to the room—a sophomore with a body like you wouldn’t know.  I wanted to show off my collection of Equestrian trophies and lend her a copy of my Harry Lauder phonograph.  Upon seeing her, T let out a squeak as if there was a mouse in the room, and immediately hid in the closet, claiming he needed to do some dusting. He remained in there for four hours after she left, refusing to come out until I bribed him with a piece of chocolate. He has quite a sweet tooth.

11/4

As finals pop up on the horizon, I find myself busier than ever.  The stress is made worse by the latest tiff with T.  He had written a poem and wanted my impression on what he wrote.  I told him it was interesting, though I wasn’t sure if I understood what he was trying to accomplish. He claimed I had no appreciation of the larger poetic tradition in which he was bravely forging forward. I told him as a student of Geology poetry really wasn’t my thing and that was just one man’s opinion. He proceeded to hold his breath for 3 minutes before passing out. When I finally got him to come to, he repeated the process . This went on for several hours until I calmed him down with chocolate milk and berries.  For the record, here is the poem. You be the judge:

I’m a cowboy

Yes, sir, I am

Yes, sir, I am a cowboy

Yes, sir, I am

I’m a cowboy

Yes, sir, I am

Yes, sir, I am a cow-ow-boy

12/1

Well, T had a date last night—miracle of miracles.  I’m not sure who the poor victim was, but apparently it didn’t go so well as he was home and in bed by 7:20 (his plan was to meet her at the “Oyster Shuck,” for dinner and drinks at 7).  Now all day he’s been moaning, “December is the cruelest month.” I offered him chocolate which he refused, rebuffing me in German or maybe Russian. That seemed to cheer him up as he began giggling uncontrollably until, at last, I broke down and punched him in the nose.

12/2

Apologized to T this morning but he would not look me in the eye. He handed me a list of his grievances, written in indecipherable Latin Hendecasyllabics.  Punched him again in the nose.

12/3

Approached T with every intention of apologizing further, but just looking at that smart-ass with his damn bow tie got me started again and I immediately punched him in the nose. He now has spent the better part of the day and night locked in his closet with his notebooks and toothpaste.

12/7

By order of the Dean of Student Affairs, I’ve been ordered to withdraw from Harvard at semester’s end for hitting a student. Apparently that prick T has some kind friends. As a fitting piece of revenge, I stole the notebook he keeps hidden under his bed with his toothpaste. The notebook was primarily filled with cowboy poems and pictures of topless women. The toothpaste was wintergreen.

High Art and Its Interpretations

Monday, August 3rd, 2009

Mondrian, Broadway-Boogie-Woogie

“Broadway Boogie-Woogie,” a seminal modernist work by painter Piet Mondrian, has been interpreted by many as an attempt to capture the alienated and conflicted grid-like structure of urban life.  On a literal level, one can imagine the painting as a portrait of city traffic as seen from the top of a skyscraper.  Notice, for example, how in the upper-right hand corner, the blue box appears to have just cut off the red box without so much as a turn signal or, god forbid, a hand wave because who cares about the safety of your fellow drivers when you can save precious seconds by driving like a complete jackass. Yeah, that’s right blue box, you hear what I just said?  Yeah, well f@ck you and your goddamn new blue paint job. Want to know about paint jobs, I hear your mother gives great paint jobs if you know what I mean? Ooooooh, you didn’t like that did you? Well, why don’t you step out of that mother fu@cking car and get ready to have your goddamn cubist-piece-of-shit-inkblot of a box fu@ked in the fu@cking #%*ed@# and &za!#@-hole by the bottom of my fu@cking red boot!  Oh, that’s right, roll up your window and drive away you pansy-ass bitch.  Not so tough now are you? Are you???   @%%&*###!!!

In any case, the painting is very popular.

-

monet

Monet is perhaps best known for being one of the key leaders of Impressionism, which in 19th century French, was slang for near sighted. In one of his most famous sequences, “Haystacks,” Monet depicted haystacks in different lights and conditions, proving a long held theory of physics that no matter the external variables, a stack of haystacks will remain boring. Monet was known as a “lover of life,” so much so that he was often found making-out with carbon-based vegetation.  Notice in the above painting “Downtown Buffalo, New York,” how the haystack on the right is larger than the haystack on the left, creating the “impression” that if you had to live in one of these haystacks, the one on the left would be more comfortable, but the one on the right will probably appreciate in value quicker.

-

vincent-van-gogh-paintings-from-saint-remy-2

“Starry Night,” is often considered the legendary painter Van Gogh’s masterpiece, and why not. Just look at all those stars in the sky!  I mean, you can really tell that he’s painting a night sky filled with stars as the title of the painting implies, and that’s so important in painting.  Too often the title is something incomprehensible like “Red #7,” and then it’s like—uh, what the hell is this a painting of? Not so here. You can really see the night, indicated by dark colors, and the sky, indicated by the yellow things up in the upper part of the painting, which I have interpreted as stars.  It’s open to interpretation of course, but I’d say the shapes below are meant to represent houses.  Again, it’s a painting and there is no wrong answer when interpreting painting, but one can imagine that Van Gogh wanted us to look at this painting and say, “I can totally relate to this! I’ve been outside at night before too!”  The one criticism is that it can be a little confusing to see where the sky ends and the ground begins and whether the landscape his mountains, or water or what. Some of the images aren’t exactly clear, but Van Gogh was probably busy so you can’t expect all the details to be right. When you consider he didn’t even have a computer, you realize how talented a painter he really was.

High Art: Famous Art and its Interpretations

Friday, June 12th, 2009

degas_blue_dancers

This painting be Edgar Degas (1890), showcases his fascination with ballerinas and color. His interest in ballerinas was at various times described as endearing and also a little creepy.  In this painting, particular attention should be paid to the fourth ballerina, bending over out of frame. Likely while posing for this portrait, she discovered her shoes were untied and then spent the next 12 hours trying to tie them while the painting was completed.  This was a common occurrence in French paintings of the time as the shoe laces were particularly unreliable.

It is also interesting to note that none of the dancers are looking at each other. This was Degas’ clever way of demonstrating that if one wanted to kidnap a ballerina, it would be easy to do, even if they were in a group.

*

jackson_pollock_gallery_12
This Jackson Pollock painting (~1949) is one of his more important. Pollock began his career as a portrait painter until he moved onto abstracts because, as he later admitted, he wasn’t very good at painting noses. His technique of hurling paint at stationary canvases revolutionized the art world. His earlier attempts throwing canvases at stationary cans of paint proved much less influential, and in fact little of his work with this method survives.

In this painting, pay special attention to scribble 32, 157, 2327, 2328 and 40 (counterclockwise from left), which are thought to symbolize Poverty and/or Connecticut depending on whether or not you are a Marxist or from Connecticut.

*

diane-arbus
Dianne Arbus was a cutting edge photographer known for her radical approach to subject matter. Often she portrayed her subjects in harsh or deliberately unflattering poses. This made her a hit in the art world, but a complete bust on the event photography circuit. She is often credited with shooting the worst wedding album of all time, which broke with orthodoxy by not containing a single shot of the bride, groom or anyone else in the wedding.

In this picture, entitled “Glickman Bar Mitzvah, 1970,” Arbus has some fun with Bar Mitzvah boy Jarrod Glickman, portraying him as a oafish giant through clever set arrangement and cropping. Glickman, who in reality stood no more than 4’6″ was delighted with the picture, though Arbus was not invited back to shoot his sister’s Bat Mitzvah two years later.

*

mona-lisa-gioconda-by-leonardo-da-vinci
The Mona Lisa by Leonardo DaVinci is widely cited as the most recognizable painting in the world.  To some, Mona Lisa represents the epitome of female beauty, though many art critics swear that her sister was actually way hotter.  Much has been said about Mona Lisa’s smile in this painting which could be seen as subersive, sexual, secretive, or even coy.  It is likely, however, that we are meant to assume she just played a really good practical joke on someone since, according to all historical accounts, the actual Mona Lisa was a jerk.