What Is Funny?

5.  Food truck owner / operator.  Competition might be stiff in hipster cities but soon people across the U.S. will realize that sitting comfortably indoors while eating really takes away from the flavor.

4.  Statistician.  I just heard a statistic that consumers have not felt this bad about the economy since the 2009 recession.  I don’t know who is doing this research but mind blowing data like this is out there for all to discover.

3.  Protestor.  As long as you are okay with a pay cut / life style change.

2.  Special education teachers.  This is still an area which tends to have openings, particularly in middle and high school levels.

1.  Compiler of “top lists” .  Send resume to yahoo.

Not married in real life.

Also not married in real life

So, the surprisingly quick end (72 hours can be a long time actually) of TV character Kim Kardashian’s wedding to “alleged” NBA player Kris Humprhies is creating a bit of a backlash, maybe because people feel the marriage might have been about something other than love.

Frankly, I don’t get it. As I’ve argued before, the Keeping Up with the Kardashians is the most traditional sitcom on the air right now, with a structure that makes Leave it to Beaver look inventive. Every story has 3 predictable arcs, usually focused on something very mundane (like one sister being jealous of the other, or a fight over cleaning up the garage), culminating with complete resolution and lessons learned. Given that this “unscripted” series is in fact a traditional sitcom, why are we surprised when what happens on the show doesn’t carry over into reality? Just because Kim Kardashian’s character on the show got married to Kris Humphries character (for simplicity, everyone’s character name is the same as their real name), doesn’t mean they are going to stay married in real life. Newsflash: Jim and Pam got married on the Office, but John Krasinski isn’t married to Jenna Fischer in real life.

I mean, do I need to remind everyone what we tell little kids when they get confused about what they see on TV? It’s just a TV show. It’s not real. The exception to his is of course the Real Housewives of Whatever City–you know that’s real because they put the word Real in the title of the show.

No. I just didn’t enjoy it too much.

Also, why do I get so much spam about Ceiling Fans? It’s really weird, but the comment stream of this blog, which is 99% spam has been inundated with strange offers for ceiling fans. Is this a deliberate marketing strategy? I’m really tempted to click on one of the links to see what kind of ceiling fan offer is so compelling they think spamming every blog/e-mail address they can find would be an efficient way to drive sales, but I secretly suspect it’s just a trick to get me to fill my computer with porn.

Right now, there are three reality TV shows set in Texas, each with basically an identical premise: Following kind-of wealthy white people from Dallas or Houston as they date or argue with their spouses and talk about how crazy it is to live in Texas. You have Most Eligible Dallas on Bravo, Texas Women on CMT, and Big Rich Texas.

If these Texans are to be believed, living in Texas is crazy! People go out and drink and are superficial and have big hair and are superficial and drink. It’s like some other universe. I’m surprised these shows can even find an audience outside Texas because the world they show is so utterly foreign to anything anyone else has ever seen.

And beyond the fact that the shows are all clones to each other and, by extension, almost every other reality show, the fakeness has gotten so out of hand–it’s like it’s 1998 and we’re all realizing that Gangsta Rap is kind-of bullshit and that Dr. Dre probably has killed as many people as we have.

In an episode of Eligible Dallas (or one of the other ones, I can’t remember) you have this guy who is a player/fratboy and this woman who is his friend but secretly is in love with him. Well…kind-of secretly. Here’s the exchange they had:

Frat Guy: I just want to meet the right one.

Secretly In Love Woman (SILW): Maybe the right one is someone you are with all the time but you are too busy chasing other women you can’t see it.

Frat Guy: Maybe I should call that girl from the bar last night and see if she wants to have afternoon sex.

And then the camera closes in on the SILW and she’s crying and the impossibly dumb Frat Guy is like, “what’s wrong?” and she’s like “I have allergies.” I mean, even people in bad romantic comedies aren’t this idiotic.

My reality TV Show Idea: Houston Hyenas, which is about a group of women in Houston who get drunk and fight each other over glasses of white wine. Also, they fight hyenas.

My bro is getting married so I’m looking for ideas.

Latest in my soon-to-be popular series, Stuff Bloggers Like:

5. Irony. Bloggers love saying things but they don’t exactly mean what they say. They mean something else. It’s very clever how they do it.

6. Dogs. A lot of bloggers love dogs, especially those bloggers who are blogging about their dogs. But even bloggers who aren’t may very well have or like dogs.

7. The internet. Don’t even get a blogger started about the internet, because they probably A. totally have internet access and B. use the internet EVERY SINGLE DAY.

8. Jon Stewart. They think he’s funny, especially when he makes ironic jokes about the connection between politics and dogs.

A little blip I wrote, directed and put into action by the great Chris Hutchinson. My only regret–it came out too late to be considered for award season. Stay Busy.

BIG AIR from BUSY C on Vimeo.

Resident language-snob Stanley Fish has his ideas on the best sentences ever written, but I disagree.  For my money, it is hard to beat the muscular poetic clarity of this:

“I’d never given much thought to how I would die-though I’d had reason enough in the last few months-but if I had, I would not have imagined it like this.”

That is, of course, the opening of Twilight and I appreciate the way the sentence takes a simple idea (I’d never imagined my death would be like this) and makes it hard to understand. As Gertrude Stein would say, that is what great literature does.

With anxiety over the possibility that your zodiak sign may have changed (CNN says no, don’t worry, it hasn’t), we offer our resident zodiologist to provide your 2011 horoscope:

Aries: You will discover something and then be challenged before overcoming the challenge and learning.

Taurus: The universe is filled with mystery. Atoms will pass through you frequently.

Gemini: You will find love or keep the love you have or struggle with romance, but later not struggle.

Cancer: Remember that long journeys begin with a single step. But at the same time, you can never walk through a door (see Zenos paradox).

Leo: On Friday, August 12th, at 2:30 PM EST, a man with a yellow hat will offer you an envelope and the promise of riches beyond your wildest dreams. He will speak with a northwestern accent and walk with a slight hitch. The weather will be pleasant for the season, a slight breeze in the air,a and mild humidity. Do not take the envelope. If you do, you will die either on this day, or eventually.

Virgo: It takes one to know one.

Libra: The sky offers many rewards.

Scorpio: TBD

Capricorn: The person you trust the most will prove trustworthy. The person you love the most likes soup.

Aquarius: Measure twice, cut once. Measure three times, somewhat redundant.

Pices: A new years resolution will prove difficult to keep. Various emotions will befall you.