But not all technology results in a net gain in happiness.  Here for example are three technologies that have done nothing to make me happier:

1. HDTV It’s not that it doesn’t look great. It’s just, I never once remember watching TV thinking, “Man, I wish I could see this guy’s forehead sweat more clearly.” I was happy with TV. I assumed it was about as clear as can be.  Now, you watch something in HDTV and it makes regular TV look like a fifth-grader scribbled some blobby crayon-figures all over your TV screen. The bar has been needlessly raised. HDTV doesn’t make TV better, it just makes non HDTV worse.

2. Digital Picture Frames: Just because it can be digital, doesn’t mean it should be. The main problem is this–do you leave it on all the time, thus wasting electricity and keeping you up at night as it weirdly scrolls through 623 pictures of you posing in front of empty beer bottles? Or do you turn it off at night and when you go out? But if you don’t leave it on all the time, you have to remember to turn it on every day. Which is also weird because now you’re making this conscious choice to say: “Gee, I really want to look at those pictures of myself today.” So, it becomes like this constant decision making process–do you turn on the pictures today or not? Suddenly, something that took not a second of my time before is demanding precious energy from me every single day.

3. Ununspetium – When element number 117 was discovered back in January, I was stoked. I figured the target-projective combinations leading to z=117 compound nuclei would really change the way I viewed the halogen family as a whole. But to be honest, this whole element has been a huge disappointment so far. Copernicium it ‘aint.

Love of computer games help keep another young man "pure."

It’s about time they figured out how to use video games to keep teenage girls abstinent–after all, gaming has been keeping guys sex-free for years now.

Even now I’m having a hard time…finishing…blog…entry…so distracted by…sex drive…and also…my insatiable appetite for…complex carbohydrates…which my body CRAVES…at least every few hours or so…to turn into energy…or store as fat…so biological… oh god…complex….carbohydrates…mmmm.

Am I the only one who didn’t even realize there was a stigma for men eating cupcakes? After all, who is more masculine than Captain Cupcake?

90% of the comments this blog receives are spam, which is not surprising. Internet con-artists and shady marketers are our target audience, and we remain the only blog serving their needs on a day in day out basis. Most of this spam is totally unremarkable and is quickly deleted, but sometimes a certain peculiar, creative blurb comes through that catches my eye.

Today’s poetic spam has the obscure resistance to meaning that makes me think it can only be classified as poetry. Enjoy (line breaks added):

It’s the first time I have heard

that in Macedonia, obits are

an unusual observe. You

have wonderfully written

the post. I have liked your way

of writing this. Thanks for this thing

as you have written it.

Think about it–you’re working out at the gym and you want to bring a couple Big Macs with you. Now, you have to bring them in a cumbersome Big Mac carrying pouch, but what if you could just crack open a cold, frothy can of hamburger and enjoy?  So refreshing!

While the idea may seem far-fetched, the actual, I swear I’m not making this up, introduction of Sandwich in a Can means the possibility of one day chugging a bottle of Fish Filet is all too real.

Harvey the Seahorse says: NY Islanders getting 2.5 points at Colorado? That's a sucker-bet..

While everyone goes gaga over Paul, the future-seeing Octopus from Germany who correctly predicted every World Cup game, it’s worth remembering that this gift is not particularly unusual.

Most sea animals of even average complexity have some psychic ability when it comes to forecasting sporting events including most famously Harvey the Seahorse who could pick winners vs. the spread for any regular season NHL game and Jacob the Jellyfish who had a knack for guessing the Kentucky Derby winners, a talent that made his owner very rich until Jacob stung him to death.

Of course, the media loves nothing more than a good octopus story, so instead of context, we get sensationalism.