Just saw Avatar the other night. Everyone is raving about how amazing the 3D looks in this movie. Personally, I wasn’t impressed. What’s so special about 3D? I see it every time I open my eyes. When I go to the movies, I expect something better than what I see in the real world–if the real world was interesting, we wouldn’t even need movies.
That’s why I’ve written a sternly worded letter urging Cameron and other so-called technological innovators in the film industry to finally start delivering movies in 26 dimensions. Superstring theory tells us it’s possible that this many dimensions exist, and if they do, I expect nothing less in my sci-fi blockbusters. Just imagine how awesome those blue aliens will look in jaw-dropping 26 dimensions!
I think when we finally utilize all the available dimensions, 3D movies will look as dated as the hopelessly invisible 1D movies that were so popular in the early 20th century.
One bad thing about Avatar is apparently people are suffering from something called post-Avatar depression after coming out of the movie. Note to sufferers: You need to remember to remove your 3D glasses. Not only do they not work very well in the real world, they are blocking out much needed light, which is probably why you’re feeling so depressed.
As for the movie itself, there was much to like. While many find the love story compelling, for me what makes the movie successful is that it reminds us of an important historical lesson: Namely, that in a battle between a technologically superior military force and a local, primitive, indigenous culture, the indigenous culture will always win, not because their continued guerilla resistance will eventually wear down and tax the resources of the invading force, but because primitive weapons such as bows and arrows and magic are always superior to modern weapons.
That helps explains why the Native Americans were able to successfully thwart European invaders and protect the sovereignty of their casinos, a Gandhi-led India defeated the British empire using elephants and magic, the Ewoks defeated the Imperial Army by rolling logs at them, and the Bengal Tigers were finally able to unite and destroy all those hunters trying to make them extinct.
In history, the superior technological force will always lose the war because they don’t understand the power of angry animals and treacherous forest landscapes. That’s why instead of wasting so much money on these advanced super-bombers, we ought to be rigging our shores and national forests with complicated, elaborate booby traps, just like the kid in Home Alone did. Only then will we be able to defeat the race of super aliens and robot butlers currently plotting our destruction.
If Avatar teaches us nothing, I hope it’s that.
Tags: avatar
Dances with Smurfs.
—Hey, Is This Funny?
http://videos.mediaite.com/video/Conan-OBrien-The-Most-Expensive
Yes. And when I think that this blog runs on a budget of only $500,000 a week, I can only imagine what a million or more could do.