Could the girl from the Sonic commercials (not pictured) be off to bigger and better things?
It’s upfront season, where the TV Networks roll out their Fall lineups to impress advertisers, only to later renege on every program they presented in favor of cheaply produced reality shows about famous people you’ve never heard of getting drunk and yelling at less famous people you’ve also never heard of.
But for at least a week, there is the promise of new TV shows, each more promising than the next, and mostly combining concepts from previously popular shows. To review, the most tried-and-true TV formats are:
- Procedural dramas
- Criminal investigation shows
- Angsty shows about teenagers who may or may not be vampires but definitely are exasperated at the general state of everything
Having attended the upfronts for years in a former-life as a madvertising maven, I’ve come to understand the formula for a successful pitch, which is why for the last several years I’ve been desperately trying to get traction on this UNBELIEVABLE high-concept, that I imagine starring Rob Lowe and the woman who does the Sonic commercials.
I call it: LEGAL PROCEDURE CRIME LAB VAMPIRE.*
Here’s the premise:
A legal crime investigation procedural vampire drama with a twist. Rob Coneroy (Rob Lowe) was a high-priced prosecutor and also, somehow, a Crime Scene Investigator, who not only investigated the toughest, most unsolved murders in Washington D.C. using his uncanny memory (he can remember everything that has happened to him for the last 32 years), but he also prosecutes these same cases in the highest court in the land (other than the Supreme Court—this is like the next highest court). But when he falls for a super-sexy defense lawyer (Sonic commercial woman) who is also involved with politics and is a vampire, suddenly his world gets turned upside down. Now the two of them are taking Capital Hill by storm because they’ve been employed on opposite sides of a political controversy that threatens to take down the president, but will super-sexy defense lawyer vampire’s secret be safe once her former vampire lover (Tom Cruise) comes to town to advise the president? And what about the crazy gang of misfits at Coneroy’s law/forensic investigation office? They’re sure to be up to hijinks. Especially since one of them is really a robot. And when famous actor Tom Cruise (Hank Azaria) shows up, things start to really get out of control.
*The original title was LEGAL PROCEDUE CRIME LAB ANGEL, but that was before the Vampire bubble.