We all know summer television can be a bit dreadful, but don’t let the summer repeats bum you out. There is plenty of original programming to get you though the dog days of July and August. Here’s your guide:
NYC Prep (Bravo): 16-year-old uber-rich Highs School kids attempt to imitate the cast of Gossip Girls, but without a script they just end up looking douchie and awkward.
Real World 22 (MTV): Screaming drunk college-aged brats go crazy in the whitest city in the world—Cancun.
I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here (NBC): People you never heard of are mean to other people you have never heard of. The SAT responds by reclassifying Celebrity as a synonym for That guy/girl looks vaguely familiar.
Big Brother 11 (11, really?) (CBS): This show is a glimpse into our simpler past, before we realized that good reality shows should include third-tier celebrities with personality disorders, alcoholics, or obnoxiously rich people because ordinary people are sooooooo boring.
Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo): This subversively convenient program was created to 
help the Socialist Proletariat know who to go after first once the revolution happens.
Real Housewives of INSERT CITY HERE Reunion Show (Bravo): Hey, remember last week when we were on television? Yeah, that was awesome. Cue the hysterical screaming and homophobic slurs.
America’s Got Talent (NBC): The title of this show is a classic example of an over-promise.
The Goode Family (ABC): A super PC family finds out that sometimes it can be tough to do the right thing, especially when the right thing is getting good ratings.
The Bachelorette (ABC): In order to pursue the woman they plan to fall in love with, 25 hunky, racially homogeneous guys talk about their feelings, their emotional vulnerabilities, their desire to settle down and raise a family, their belief in true love. Yes, it doesn’t get much realer than that.
So You Think You Can Dance (Fox): I liked it better under its original title: So you 
think you can do something of little to no social or cultural value better than other people who have also dedicated themselves to the same obscure artistic pursuit? Based on the strong ratings of this show, I’m eagerly awaiting the spin-offs, So You Think You Can Stand on One Foot for a Really, Really Long Time? and So You Think You can Consume Large Quantities of Ammonia Without Asphyxiating?
Hawthorne (TNT): If my newly created LINEAR THEOREM OF PROGRAMMING is correct, then the amount of enjoyment I get from this TV program can be calculated as being inversely related to the number of billboards I see promoting said program while driving from West Los Angeles to Downtown. Per this analysis, one can safely conclude that this show sucks.
VH1’s I Love The 2008s (VH1): A nostalgic look at all the crazy things we used to do last year. Remember when Obama wasn’t even president yet because he was still running for office? Remember Mike Huckabee? Remember Thanksgiving? And blue jeans? Oh man, good times. (DISCLOSURE: I MEANT THIS TO BE A GAG, BUT IT LOOKS LIKE SUCH A SHOW MAY IN FACT EXIST).
Harper’s Island (CBS): N/A (it is not confirmed that anyone has actually watched this show).
Tags: review, tongue in cheek, your quick summer television guide
I worry about these kids on the new real world. I have a feeling that most of the season will be them dealing with the culture shock of living in a foreign country. If I had to guess, the season will be almost identical to the London season. A lot of sitting on the couch watching TV.
I think Real World 4 was the last attempt to show something close to actual reality on TV. It was obviously a huge mistake.