Jokes written from the day’s top headlines with little to no thought.
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Fires continue to blaze across southern California. Conservative Christians have declared it’s God’s punishment for not defeating Gay Marriage by a wide enough margin.
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Speaking of conservatives, GOP Senator Lamar Alexander says if Democrats try to ram healthcare legislation with only a simple majority of the vote, there will be a minor revolution. Unlike the regular revolution, the minor revolution will be televised, primarily on cable news.
But, you can see where Alexander is coming from. You can’t allow the majority to impose laws over the will of the minority. You start thinking like that, it’s a slippery slope to democracy.
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A temporary outage on Gmail yesterday caused millions of people to experience the minor inconvenience of not being able to read their e-mail for a few hours. Survivors of the outage are already dubbing themselves “The Greatest Generation,” for perseverance in the face of unthinkable obstacles.
In fairness, I complained about it nonstop for 43 minutes, until finally I could get back to my preferred schedule of round-the-clock complaining about how it’s too hot all the time.
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57% of Americans now oppose the war in Afghanistan. What’s worse, a whopping 68% of Americans say they also oppose news stories about Afghanistan that can’t resist pointing out that 76% of Americans couldn’t find Afghanistan on a map. Stop rubbing it in.
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Engineers at MIT have created a super robot Fish. On the one hand, the robotic fish is said to have no clear scientific value. On the other hand, MIT engineers point out it’s “super, super cool.”
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Whose to blame for your fat kid? Terrible self esteem from news stories like this maybe?
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A bank robber told a judge he robbed a bank to get away from his abusive wife. In a related story, Dick Cheney said he robbed the country for the same reason. Having listened to his wife, it’s believable.
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A man arrested for stealing beef jerky from 7-11 found himself in additional trouble when, after being arrested, he ripped out a light fixture while in lock-up. This is probably one of the better outcomes you can hope for when you eat beef jerky from 7-11.
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A report shows states with the highest uninsured numbers are also the most opposed to healthcare reform efforts aimed at increasing their coverage. Like the saying goes, you can lead a Wyoming conservative to water, but you can’t stop him from fuc#ing up healthcare reform for the rest of us.
Tags: Quick Hits