Sharp 800-Watt Microwave
Do not use Microwave for non food items or for functions beyond its intended use. Microwave should not be used as a skin tanner. You should not attempt to modify circuitry to convert Microwave into a time machine.
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GE Stainless Steel Juicer
Assembly instructions:
- Please insert Juice Basin Piece (see fig 1.1) into the base of the juicer
- Set function to preferred power level according to desired fruit consistency
- Display Juicer on prominent place in the counter.
- Plug in to turn on, then ignore.
- Optional: In 1-5 Years Comment: “What ever happened to that juicer we used to have?”
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Shark 14.4V Dust Buster
Warning: The Dust Buster is intended as a cleaning assistant and should under no circumstances be used as a sexual device. Bill O’Reilly, we’re talking to you.
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Sony Universal TV Remote
To program station preferences:
- Select OPTION
- Select INPUT 2
- Select MENU
- Scroll down to CHANNEL CONFIG.
- Hit SELECT ALL
- Note, to store memory you may deselect stations that are rarely used, such as NBC.
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Whirlpool DuetSport Combo Washer/Dryer
Please note that when running the spin cycle at high temperatures, too much pressure may cause the load to explode. That’s what she said. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Okay, no, but seriously, be careful not to overload the washer or there may be some leakage. That’s what she said. Oh God, I’m sorry, really, I’m sorry. Oh man, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Where’s the backspace on this computer anyways?
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Environmental Friendly Light Bulb
Before screwing in, please refer to the appropriate category you belong to in order to ensure you meet the minimum number of recommended people for installation.
Aerobics Instructors: 5
Economists: 0
Bureaucrats: 2
Data Base People: 3
Gorilla: 1
Oregonians: 6
Philosophers: 3
Rednecks: 6, 3, 1, or 1
Republicans: Unknown?
Sheep: 21
Union Electricians: 16
Zen Masters: 0
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iPod Nano
If your iPod Nano is no longer holding a charge, please follow the following steps?
- Confirm that your charger is plugged into an active outlet?
- It is? Are you sure?
- Hmmmmm.
- This is a tough one.
- Have you checked out all the cool new ipods at your nearest Apple Store?
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Black & Decker Toaster
Dude, it’s a toaster. Stop wasting my fu#king time.
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Luffa Sponge
Warning: The Luffa Sponge is intended as a cleaning assistant and should under no circumstances be used as a sexual device. Bill O’Reilly, we’re talking to you.
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