What Is Funny?

Cleanliness is to Godliness as:

A. Pea : Pod

B. Acorn : The Tree

C. Drunk woman who yells racist epithets in her sleep and smells like moths : You on international flight

D. Mormonism : Mormonism

E. All of the above

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The guy cutting off four lanes of traffic to make an illegal left turn from the right lane during rush hour can best be defined as:

A. Impetuous

B. Ornery

C. A resident of Boston

D. Loquacious

E. All of the above

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Which of the following best defines the OPPOSITE of the word EVANESCENT:

A. Of lasting quality

B. Reminiscent of Evan

C. A useful word to know after you’ve taken the SATs

D. Something bigger than a porcupine but smaller than a weevil

E. All of the above

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7×5=

A. Avg. point spread of teams facing the Detroit Lions

B. Avg. speed given to police officers when asked “Do you know how fast you were going” in a construction zone.

C. Avg. age of guy in an 18 and over dance club

D. Avg. of two numbers of unknown quantity

E. All of the above

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What Number am I thinking of Now?

A. 1

B. 1,000,000,000

C. I’m not thinking of a number, I’m thinking of an animal and it’s a Koala Bear.

D. 42

E. All of the above

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Corey is diabetic but Casey is not. If the two were to run in opposite directions at full speed, who would find the activity meaningless first?

A. Corey

B. Casey

C. Kierkegaard

D. Corey and Casey

E. All of the Above

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If a man leaves a train station in Los Angeles heading east at 30 MPH and a woman leaves a bus station in Chicago heading south at 45 mph, and assuming both travel in a straight line, at what point will it finally be possible to travel from one end of the country to the other without having to take off your shoes at airport security?

A. 2012

B. 2014

C. 2000

D. 2015

E. All of the above

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What is the easiest way to calculate the volume of a 3D cone?

A. Calculate the area of the circle at the base of the cone, multiplied by the height of the cone

B. Find cone base area using a circle’s formula, which is (π)(r)(r). Find cone slanted area with this formula: (1/2)(s)(C). Add the results to get the total surface area. Measure the cone’s circumference with this formula: C = πd. C is circumference and d is its diameter. Measure the diameter, which is a line from the base’s one side, through its center, to the opposite side.  Calculate cone slant height from its top to its base’s side. Use your slant height and circumference measurement to calculate cone slanted area. Use step one’s formula, where “s” is the slant height, and C is the circumference. Add your results for cone base area and cone slanted area to get the total cone surface area.

C. It’s a cone. Who the hell cares what its volume is.

D. Calculate the are of a theoretical triangle that looks awfully similar to a cone, then fudge it a little

E. All of the above.

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If I Jason has five doughnuts and Casey has twice the doughnuts as Corey who has ¾ the doughnuts as Kevin who has more doughnuts than Jason, but less than Casey which of the following is a possible answer for the number of doughnuts Corey has:

A. 2

B. Several

C. Corey shouldn’t be eating any doughnuts at all. She’s diabetic. Remember from a few problems ago?

D. Any number > 5

E. All of the above

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Complete this famous open to a major literary work: It was the best of times, _____

A. Then again, try finding a parking spot in San Francisco on the weekend.

B. Until someone lost an eye.

C. But the Hardy Boys had themselves another tough mystery to solve.

D. False

E. All of the above.

To be or not to___

A. D

B. A

C. B

D. C

E. All of the above

Tags: tongue in cheek, what is funny

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 14th, 2009 at 8:23 am and is filed under what is funny. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.