(code: A = Dumper, B = Dumpee)
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A: I just think we would work better as friends.
B: They that sow tears, shall reap joy.
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A: I love you more than anything, but I’m not in love with you.
B: Iron sharpeth iron.
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A: Something’s missing.
B: Seek and you will find.
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A: You don’t treat me like I deserve to be treated. It’s almost like you want me to breakup with you – I mean, I’ve put everything into this relationship and I don’t feel like you’re even meeting me a quarter of the way. I wish you’d just be a big enough person to admit you don’t want to be with me if you don’t want to be with me. But I’m sure as hell not going to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with me.
B: I have been a stranger in a strange land.
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A: I met somebody new.
B: So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.
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A: I need somebody who’s more mature.
B: Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath..
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A: (to be said under the hysterical high pitched tone of someone who forgetting in inhale): I hate you, I hate what your family, I hate that you don’t buy me flowers, I hate that you don’t have a job, I hate that you spend all day sitting around the house watching Wings reruns, I hate that you don’t shave for weeks on end and I hate your politics.
B: Some trust in chariots, and some in horses.
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A: You’re not very good in bed.
B: Into thine hand I commit my spirit.
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A: I don’t want to make this all emotional, so let’s just say, good-bye, okay?
B: Man that is born of a woman is of few days, and full of trouble.
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A: I never loved you.
B: Love ye therefore the stranger: for ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.
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A: Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t walk out that door and never come back?
B: When a man hath taken a wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hat taken.
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A: I’m sleeping with your sister.
B: I have syphilis.
Tags: bible, breakup rebuttals, tongue in cheek